Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
