If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
