That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
