remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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