i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she looked like the before picture.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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