PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
