I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am available for nakedness
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