my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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