the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
