She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can I color on your dick again?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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