Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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