This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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