Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
