NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
