I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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