shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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