Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
