the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
