She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
