Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
