I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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