Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
