you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
