I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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