Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada

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(817): View more from Texas

Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.

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(281): View more from Texas

well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"

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(702): View more from Nevada

I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.

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(916): View more from California

Sadness tears and throw up everywhere

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(416): View more from Toronto

How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?

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(415): View more from California

Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno

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(304): View more from West Virginia

There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"

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