I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
