a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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