Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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