i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
