Cold hands, warm shart.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
