I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
