So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
