So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
