Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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