dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
