where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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