I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
