Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
