i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
