it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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