Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
