someone get that fucking seahorse.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
