He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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