I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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