My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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