My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
