Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
