The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
