she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
