I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
